Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
