I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
