I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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