I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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