can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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