Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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