True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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