wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
