When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
