Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize