we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
