i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
