i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
