addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
