Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
