I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
