Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
