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Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
