Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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