My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
