Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
