Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We left the knife in your bed.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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