"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
