if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize