I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize