Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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