there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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