I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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