There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
