Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
