the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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