I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
