Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
