I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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