I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
