i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
