I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
