Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Pants are for mortals
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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