His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
