Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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