conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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