chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
