the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
