Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
