Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
