we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
