My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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