I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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