I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
