Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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