I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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