I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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