Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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