Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
