We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
