I'm really into asian looking animals
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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