Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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