I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
