i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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