this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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