So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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