i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This house was built for laser tag.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
