Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
