Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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