I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
