I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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