OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
