dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
