she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
