Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
