is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
