How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
