this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize