Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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