Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
